Imagine starting every single day with a 15 minutes cuddle session with your partner.
One morning you tell them, “You know, I feel so energised every day when we leave the bed and start our day. Spending this time with you is like rocket fuel for my day. How does it feel for you?”
Your partner responds, “It has the opposite effect on me?”
Somewhat puzzled you respond, “It drains you?!?!” “Not at all! It sends me into this cocoon of peace and relaxation. Everything in this space feels safe, loving and connecting. But I certainly do not feel energised by it.”
What a beautiful scene… a serene cocoon of love and safety.
But your endlessly curious mind is not satisfied, so you ask, “Imagine one of those days when you have to get out of bed, get ready and promptly leave the house for an appointment; no cuddle time. How does your morning feel in those occasions as compared to the times we share cuddle time?”
“The mornings when I have to get up and go, I feel emotionally neutral, but physically there is a tension and I am ready to spring into action. The mornings we have cuddle time I feel emotionally energised, but physically I don’t feel energised, I feels soooooo relaxed.”
Bingo! A short description of two opposing scenarios providing yet again a deep insight.
Let’s explore together a fallacy in thinking and perception that I often encounter in my clients’ narrative, especially those who are constantly on the go and often fatigued.
Your partner pointed to the same fallacy when they earlier said, “But I certainly do not feel energised by it” and “…physically there is a tension…”
Are you also among the people who confuse energy with tension? If you are, read on and by the end of the article you may discover you are a lot more energised than you imagined.
PHYSICS TO THE RESCUE
In Physics, ENERGY is the CAPACITY for doing work. In this context, WORK can be described as the action of MOVING something against a force.
Tension is a FORCE applied on an object when pulled in opposite directions. Let’s call it STRETCHING.
Your partner pointed to the same fallacy when they earlier said, “But I certainly do not feel energised by it” and “…physically there is a tension…”
Are you also among the people who confuse energy with tension?
If you are, read on and by the end of the article you may discover you are a lot more energised than you imagined.
WE HAVE A LOT MORE ENERGY THAN WE THINK
In a nutshell, when we confuse feeling tensed with feeling energised, we are creating an expectation in our minds than unless we feel tense we are not energised.
Sadly, this is the result of the conditioning most of us are subjected to. Whether at school, at home or at work, unless we are present, active, busy and on the go, we are deemed less than. In this world, thinking, reflecting or meditating are seen as non-actions, as unproductive, as lower states of being.
In actuality, these can be states filled with energy and the potential to create purposeful, effective and efficient action.
THE ABOVE SCENARIO UNDER THIS LENS
Your partner talked about jumping out of bed as a loaded spring, feeling some tension in the body and ready for action, and implied that this was their energised state.
They also suggested that when they are relaxed, and emotionally charged, they do not feel physically energised.
Is it possible that your partner, like many of my clients, are failing to recognise those times when they are filled with energy, only because there is little to no tension in their bodies?
Is it possible that we often fail to recognise that energy is a potential and that we can choose whether we apply it in a stressful, chaotic manner or a peaceful and directed one?
Let’s pause and reflect on all those times when we are gifted with genuine down time. How much energy do we have access to, to either just be or to direct an action in a calm, peaceful, concerted way?
Dr OM opened in Singapore 2015 to serve the local community on all their relationship and sexuality challenges.