Are you in a marriage in which you no longer feel attracted to your spouse? Do you feel confused and worried about this? Do you have children with this person and don't want to end the marriage, but no longer feel like having sex and this makes you feel sad and distressed? Does your partner keep pressing you for having sex, but you don't know how to talk to them? Are you uncertain why you are no longer attracted to them?
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In long-term relationships attraction can change over time. Oftentimes, it has nothing to do with our partner's physical appearance, but it can happen with more subtle things that affect our attraction to our partner, that affect your ability to have sex. One thing that can affect our attraction to our partner is when we don't have good boundaries and we move from erotic love into more familial love and this familial love can feel like family where we maybe have lots affections, hugging and kissing. But because of the familiarity and time we spend with this person, there is no longer any sort of erotic attraction. This can be confusing and scary and difficult to talk to your partner about.
Another thing that can interrupt attraction is when your partner physically changes. Maybe they have put on weight, they have let themselves go, they don't dress in a way that you find attractive or they do not maintain their hygiene, routines or other types of physical and spatial appearance and this cuts your attraction. These can often be really difficult things to talk to your partner about and explain to them what has changed for you.
Another type of things that can affect attraction is that over time, as you get to know your partner better, 10-15 years into the relationship you may find that certain things about their personality and who they are, are no longer attractive. You may find that you are just not attracted to who they are, it has nothing to do with their physical appearance, but rather who they are as a person and this again is a very difficult thing to talk about with your partner, but nonetheless affects sexual intimacy.
All in the Family Counselling helps cuoples navigate the difficulties of a sexual relationship in a long-term relationship, especially around attraction and desire. These things change over time and often couples don't know how to discuss them and set healthy boundaries. They require a deep level of self-reflection, self-awareness, emotional regulation and a healthy understanding of sex in human beings. Therapy helps address all of these issues and helps couples work out a new and healthy way that they can have a sexual relationship in the relationship that they have today with all the time constraints.
If you would like to learn more how therapy can help you with your sex and intimacy, contact All in the Family Counselling Centre Pt ltd at +65 9030 7239 or send an email to tammy@allinthefamilycounselling.com.
All in the Family Counselling Centre and lead therapist, Tammy Fontana, have been providing therapy for just under two decades in Southeast Asia and Singapore. Tammy Fontana is a clinically trained sex therapist and relationship therapist, as well as individual therapist. She is used to working with difficult cases around sex and intimacy, communication and conflict, anxiety and depression and other life challenges. Contact us now!
Ms. Fontana is a relationship counsellor specializing in helping people with their relationships whether it is dating, marriage, parenting or with their extended family. Her clients call her approach practical and found solutions to their problems. Ms. Fontana has obtained her Master Degree in Mental Health counselling from the United States and is a USA Nationally Certified Counsellor. She is also a Certified Choice Theory Reality Therapist and is USA trained Sex Therapist.